Surrogacy in Greece: ‘You know they are not your children’

L.D., aged 32, gave birth to twins by caesarean section in September. The midwives did not place the newborns on her chest, as is customary. There were other arms waiting for them with anxiety, love and emotion, a few floors above. Those of 37-year-old F.P. and her husband. They had been trying to become parents for years but one miscarriage followed another. F.P. had six miscarriages in total, and the doctors had told the couple that surrogate pregnancy was the only way to have a biological child.

L.D. already had two children of her own, two girls aged 14 and 8. When she heard that there was a demand for surrogate mothers, she first discussed it with her husband. The money would give their family a breather (according to Greek law, for a twin pregnancy the amount of compensation is 25,000 euros, although the actual amount paid is often higher), but it was not only that. “It seemed very important to me to help a woman fulfill her dream of becoming a mother,” she told Kathimerini. “All I wanted was for them to be good people, cooperative.”

The procedure

When she met them (Greek law prohibits a woman from meeting her egg donor, but not the surrogate), there was mutual sympathy, they shook hands almost immediately, and the legal process began.

Surrogacy in Greece requires judicial permission, which is granted only if the intended mother can provide a medical report saying that she is medically unable to conceive and if there is a written agreement between the parties involved, without a financial reward (compensation in Greece is not considered a payment). The court decision stipulates that the intended mother of the child is the woman to whom the relevant court permission was given. She is the one who makes all the decisions during the pregnancy. She is also registered as the mother on the birth certificate.

The two women went to all the doctor’s appointments together and everything was going well, until the surrogate entered the nine month (speaking to Kathimerini, they used the words “we entered” the nine month). “The swelling was unbearable, it took me 20 minutes to go from the room to the toilet,” remembers L.D. It was the only time in the whole process that her family was stressed. “My children and my husband supported me, but the truth is that they were upset when they saw me suffering so much. In the end, everything went well.”

I ask her the question that is probably on everyone’s mind. Don’t you get attached to the baby? “You do, but only so much. At the beginning of the pregnancy you may be more sensitive, but you know that they are not your children,” she says (by law, the egg cannot come from the surrogate), and then adds: “It is good to already have children so that you have been through the process. Entering the process, I knew what I was getting into.” Until 2022, the law required that the surrogate mother had already had her own children, but this restriction has now been lifted.

Psychological support

Irini Dimou, who brings surrogate mothers into contact with couples with fertility problems through her own page on Facebook, advises that the surrogate has already had a child of her own. “Women tell me they need the money, but if you don’t do it consciously, it can destroy you,” she tells Kathimerini. “A woman who had told me that neither she nor her husband want children became a surrogate. Some time after the procedure had been completed, she came to me and told me, ‘You were right.’ Her own biological clock had started ticking and she decided to become a mother too.”

‘It seemed very important to me to help a woman fulfill her dream of becoming a mother,’ a surrogate tells Kathimerini

The woman who will carry the child undergoes a thorough psychiatric examination. “Our team makes sure that there is psychological support throughout the pregnancy, but also after the birth,” says Dimou. It is not forbidden for the surrogate to see the child after childbirth, but the IVF teams of the clinics avoid this to protect the woman. The event itself can trigger symptoms of postpartum depression, in which case further support is needed.

Dimou is a professional bodyguard and volunteer rescuer (her dramatic appeals for help from Thessaly where she was working after Storm Daniel were stirring). Her involvement in surrogacy was accidental. A doctor friend had asked her if she knew any woman who wanted to surrogate for an infertile couple, and one thing led to another. The fact that she is adopted also played a role in agreeing to help. “I know better than anyone that the mother is the one who raises the child,” she tells Kathimerini.

Today, traffic to her webpage has skyrocketed with mostly infertile couples looking for a surrogate. “Heterosexuals,” she clarifies. Comments come from women who have lost their uterus to cancer, have congenital heart disease, diabetes, had multiple miscarriages or have had an organ transplant and are unable to conceive.

The scandal

Demand has soared following an illegal adoption and baby trafficking case on Crete, where a clinic in the city of Hania allegedly defrauded couples and trafficked foreign women as egg donors and surrogate mothers – the case is currently under investigation. Many women who were thinking of becoming a surrogate were scared off by the case, and Kathimerini understands that some clinics that had a network with prospective surrogates no longer use it. “Find her yourselves,” they tell couples.

It is widely believed that any number of children have been born through surrogates in previous years in Greece, without this being declared anywhere, while couples were asked to pay tens of thousands of euros. Dimou emphasizes that couples should do their research before placing their trust in a fertility clinic. “And be suspicious if the process is very swift. Many people, blinded by their desire to become a parent, may fall victim to fraud.”

Although, according to estimates, assisted reproduction through surrogacy reaches up to 50% of the clinics’ turnover in Greece – where dozens of couples come from abroad every year, including from the US, where costs are much higher – the National Authority for Medically Assisted Reproduction (EAIYA) does not have relevant up-to-date data.

Dimitra Papadopoulou-Klamaris, deputy president of the authority and civil law professor at the University of Athens, told Kathimerini that EAIYA recently asked fertility clinics to send their records of the last two years, in order to form a clearer picture about surrogacy. From data that Papadopoulou-Klamaris made available to Kathimerini, it appears that from 2005 to 2015 the Athens Court of First Instance alone had issued 173 relevant licenses to surrogates and couples. In 162 of those cases the applicant was married, in four cases the couple already had a child (in one case the child was paraplegic). Of the prospective surrogates, 74 were married and 86 were mothers themselves, while 60 prospective surrogates had Greek citizenship.

Today, the women who approach Dimou through her webpage to become surrogates are mainly Greek and a large percentage are married. “In the event that I have a request from a foreigner, the condition I set is that they can prove they have lived in Greece for 10 years or that they are married with a permanent residence permit.” Also, while the law stipulates that the surrogate mother must be between the ages of 25 and 54, Dimou only looks for women over 30. “At 25, you don’t have the right mind for such a procedure.”

The compensation

The main motive to agree to the process of surrogacy is financial. “A lot of people think they’ll get the money up front, or say, ‘If they give me €35,000, I’ll do it.’ I reject these women. If the couple decides to give something more, it’s up to them,” Dimou explains.

Νο woman becomes a surrogate for the €20,000 or €25,000 of legal compensation. The actual amounts range between €28,000 and €30,000. This amount includes the €1,500 of the agreement and the €1,500 for the embryo transfer. The surrogate receives €1,000 a month and the rest after the birth of the child.

“I know a married woman with children who became a surrogate twice,” says Dimou.

Surrogacy and the courts

L.D. also tells me she would do it again. “We do it of our own free will, no one puts a gun to our head. It is an agreement between two adults,” she emphasizes, commenting on the wild speculation that broke out about surrogate pregnancy when the government bill legalizing same-sex marriage was announced. That was the second blow for couples whose only option is surrogacy.

Last summer, a court of first instance in the city of Patra, southwestern Greece, refused to grant permission for a woman who is unable to conceive to use surrogacy to have a child, because she is being treated with tamoxifen due to a relapse of breast cancer. The court justified the decision by saying she already had one child.

“The law [allowing surrogacy] does not require childlessness, but the inability to have children; however, the courts interpret it [differently],” Papadopoulou tells Kathimerini. “The truth is that surrogacy creates many issues,” she says, pointing to cases being investigated by judicial authorities.

“It is important that everyone operates according to the letter of the law, like we do,” K.R., an embryologist who has been working with well-known IVF clinics in the country, in egg donation and surrogate motherhood, for 23 years, tells Kathimerini. “Wrong impressions have been created, as a result of which couples in need are facing great difficulties today. It’s not about women who don’t want to get pregnant so their bodies don’t change, as might be the case in the US, it’s about women who’ve had a total hysterectomy, cancer or diabetes who want to have a child,” she adds.

Dimou makes an additional point: “When the man has a health problem, we don’t mind if he turns to a sperm donor. But if the woman has a health problem, we put up obstacles.”

There are, of course, women who consider surrogacy because they need the money, the embryologist says. “They see it as a job – and that’s OK. But on the other hand, it is something that has an emotion because you are offering a child to two people who lucked out. I don’t want them to be ‘cold-blooded executioners,’” she says.

The question is balance, the embryologist continues. “There are couples who do not want to meet the surrogate to protect themselves, there are others who during the pregnancy become overbearing toward the surrogate.

They turn into a ‘Greek mother.’ Our advice is not to develop a friendly relationship – this is a collaborative relationship. Otherwise, there is the possibility that both sides will abuse this relationship, one by asking for money and the other by exerting pressure.”

L.D. says she and F.P. no longer stay in contact. “Only at Christmas we send each other ‘Happy Holidays.’ I’m discreet,” she says.