Women challenge the ‘childless cat lady’ cliche
Republican candidate for vice president of the US J.D. Vance has revived the stereotype. How do Greek owners respond?
“A bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” This statement was made by then-Senate-candidate and current Republican candidate for vice president of the United States J.D. Vance, who, in order to bash Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris, has reintroduced into the public debate the antiquated sexist trope of the old lady who only gets along with cats (he’s even advocated that those without children should pay more taxes and have reduced voting rights).
That didn’t go down well. Millions of women around the world reacted strongly, including celebrities such as singer-songwriter Taylor Swift and actress Jennifer Aniston. With them are Lisa, Areti, Myrto, Anna and so many other women who do not have children and share their daily lives with fluffy, purring quadrupeds.
Areti Georgili, communications consultant and founding member of the Free Thinking Zone bookstore, felt she was being targeted because she does not have children. “I never wanted to have children. The idea crossed my mind at 30. By 40 it had left. And at 50 I still have no regrets. Maybe I’ll regret it at 80, but it doesn’t matter because I’ll have done other things in the meantime which I couldn’t have done as a mother,” she tells Kathimerini. “According to Vance’s comment, I am dangerous, useless to society, I have no reason to exist, I’m defective.” She says the rhetoric about childless women is related to the resurgence of the abortion debate in the US – and beyond. “It is the ‘Fatherland, Religion, Family’ slogan that is re-emerging in Greece as well. We saw it quite clearly in the debate that erupted with the legislation for same-sex couples [marriage], and the rallies for ‘the right of the unborn child,’ etc.”
Georgili got a cat about a year ago. “I’ve always taken care of the strays in the neighborhood, but last year, around this time, this little guy appeared and walked straight into the store. So I said, ‘Since he found us, we’ll keep him.’ We named him Kostakis.”
Lisa Koutsoudaki, on the other hand, a teacher, has lived with animals almost all her life. “My mom was a volunteer at the Hellenic Animal Welfare Society, but my father was also very fond of animals. We did’t just have pets. From time to time my parents treated everything from dogs and cats to storks, hedgehogs and owls!” she tells Kathimerini. In her adult life she has always had pets, for the last 10 years she has only had cats. She has lived with Leo for 18 years.
Areti Georgili says the rhetoric about childless women is related to the resurgence of the abortion debate in the US – and beyond. ‘It is the “Fatherland, Religion, Family” slogan that is re-emerging in Greece as well’
“There have always been stereotypes about those who take care of strays: ‘They don’t have anything better to do, they do it because they don’t have a family, they’re half-crazy, dirty,’ etc. As there have always been stereotypes about childless or single women, since they cannot understand the reason why a woman did not have children. No one takes a step behind the labels to understand why a woman didn’t get married, didn’t have children and chose to have a pet for company.” Koutsoudaki says she had come very close to having children. “After some disappointments I made the decision not to continue. We point the finger without thinking that behind each person there is a story. There is a lot of strictness, judgment, that you have not fulfilled your role, that you are going against nature. Even if you didn’t have nature on your side. The more society progresses, the more we put people in boxes,” she explains. Even today, stereotypes are still prevalent, Koutsoudaki says. “When I tell someone I’ve been married and divorced, they say, ‘Really?’”
Eleni Doxiadis, a cook, is childless by choice. “I just never wanted to. I did not happen to face such a dilemma at a younger age, when I was not so self-aware. But now it’s clear that it’s not something I want. Criticism of this seems funny to me. People cannot conceive that childlessness can be a conscious decision. In Greece, if you have not given birth, you are not complete.”
She has always lived with cats, but since she and her husband moved to Porto Rafti, East Attica, to a house with a yard, the cats have multiplied. “Women who have decided not to have children are very independent people and a cat is a very independent animal. Two independent beings living together in harmony,” she says. According to her, the reason there is a discussion about “childless cat ladies” is because “a woman’s choice not to have children goes against the whole conservative establishment, how some people see the place of women in society.” At the same time it is associated with a caricature image which has been attributed to older women who go out and feed the neighborhood cats. “They think that such a woman cannot be in her right mind. This also fits into the misunderstanding that many people have about cats. For many people, only dogs have the ability to develop relationships with human characteristics.”
Animal hoarders
Anna Bitsani, a volunteer at an animal charity, has a child, along with her cats and dogs. “I’m spoiling it for you a bit, huh? And yet, because I had a child when I was 41, I always think with the logic of someone who doesn’t have a child. I was already stigmatized as childless.” She believes that the aversion to childless women with cats is an attempt to link childlessness with mental disorder, by linking animal lovers with “animal hoarders,” as they are known in the United States. These people have a compulsion to collect a very high number of strays and end up failing to provide them with proper care. “It’s usually old women with lots of cats. In Greece it is not a well-known phenomenon. Only those who deal with animals and have a healthy perception know it. These women are a problem for those who volunteer with animals. People who have this disorder cannot manage their relationships with people.”
On the contrary, as Bitsani says, when healthy people live with a pet they develop emotional intelligence, which helps them learn to manage their emotions. “It is known that living with an animal generally increases oxytocin and decreases cortisol – i.e. stress. It works therapeutically and a person who feels better offers more to others, learns to listen. And of course feels less lonely. It’s no accident that therapy animals exist. When my child was admitted into the intensive care unit after birth, what kept me going were my animals.”
For lawyer Myrto Kavvadia, who lives with her partner and three cats, the existence of the words “childless” and “cat” in the same sentence is outrageous. “I don’t know how people’s minds work. For us it was never a question of choosing between a child or a cat. We remained childless, not because we wanted to, but because after some attempts we decided that we didn’t want to burden ourselves anymore psychologically. But we never thought, ‘It doesn’t matter, we have our cats.’ These are very different things.”
Kavvadia believes that having animals is a sign of higher awareness. “Taking care of a stray animal, saving it, is self-evident, it’s a state of understanding where you live. We take care of our cats, we respect them, we don’t leave them alone for days. They’re our family.”
